Let’s Talk About Codependency

Many of us are quite familiar with the word codependency. We often associate it with someone who is “needy”. Or one who relies on others to do every day life. In reality, codependency is far more than just relying on others; it is a maladaptive way of maintaining interpersonal relationships and a skewed view of self.

How then can we spot a codependent relationship?

Unfortunately it’s not a simple answer. There are many factors that go into it. Before I suggest a few yellow flags to look for, please keep in mind the following two points:

1. Shame: it is my belief that shaming people for having patterns of codependency is unfair and harmful. A person with codependent traits is only trying to relate and survive in this harsh world

2. Culture: it is important to recognize that interdependence (a balanced relationship where both parties work together to meet each other’s needs) is not the same thing as codependency.

Those two points set aside, the following are a few characteristics (or yellow flags) of codependent relationships. As informative as the below information can be, remember to use it as a resource to compliment a responsible discussion with a health care professional.

Yellow flags of codependent relationships and/or codependent tendencies:

1. Guilt: difficulty saying “no” due to fear of harming other’s feelings
2. Prioritizing needs: difficulty putting your needs first, before those of others.
3. Isolation: other relationships and needs are placed second over spending time with the person you are enmeshed with.
4. Circular relationships: a person needs another person, who in turn needs to be needed
5. Unsolicited caretaking: when a person feels that they have to care of everyone all the time
6. Addiction: often, one or both people in the codependent relationship have an addiction problem to substances
7. Lack of differentiation: difficulty identifying own needs/wants

In life we NEED balance!

If you believe you are in a codependent relationship, know that the opposite exists. You can grow to have healthier relationship patterns! If you recognize a loved one in the above descriptions, please help destigmatize codependency and provide them with support so that they can find their own path to healing.

Interested in obtaining more information?

Check out the Co-Dependent Anonymous website  https://coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/

Do not forget to schedule an appointment with a mental health professional.

Feel free to contact us by calling 951-778-0230 or texting us at 951-323-2182

~Jessica

As a couples and family therapist, I have vast training and experience working with Children (ages 4 to 12 years old), adolescents (ages 13 to 19 years old), young adults (ages 20 to 35 years old), and middle age/older adults and family therapy. I also have a background working with individuals and families impacted by crime, and have provided crisis intervention/stabilization. I have a special interest in helping my clients address a variety of mental health concerns, including anxiety, depression, self-esteem, relational issues, women’s health, Latinx, grief/loss, autism, overall life transitions, issues concerning LGBTQIA+ community, trauma and PTSD. I have worked in multiple settings including schools, community mental health agencies and private practice. I graduated from the California School of Professional Psychology at Alliant International University with an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy and an emphasis on Latin American Family Therapy. I provide psychotherapy services in both English and Spanish. If you are curious about what therapy can look like but unsure it is for you, I would love to discuss options to address your current situation.