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Can Heartbreak Be an Opportunity to Grow?

Heartbreaks can be some of the most painful things that we humans must go through. What a lot of people don’t talk about is what the healing process is like, learning to live again after a heartbreak and striving to get into a healthier relationship the next time around. But every single one of life’s challenges IS and opportunity for growth, even heartbreaks.

Here are FIVE ways to learn to grow.

Make peace with the past. This can be a hard one because when you got into that relationship you expected it to last and when it didn’t it shook you. However, we do not always have control over the circumstances in our lives. Being able to take responsibility for your part in the relationship is key to moving on. Being able to grieve the relationship is also helpful in making peace with the past. Learn what you can do better next time.
 
Self-care after a breakup. It is easy to get down on yourself, blame yourself and think of all your shortcomings. You know all that negative self-talk we do; well just stop it. Negative self-talk is never helpful and hurts our self-esteem. Instead, focus on the insight that has been gained during the relationship, think of the growth that has occurred. That is priceless and should be celebrated. Remember, treat yourself the same way you would treat anyone you cared about.

Seek love in other parts of your life. There are many people who care about you such as family and friends. These people want to be there for you during this hard time; let them. Spend some time doing things that excite you such as hobbies, travel, or take time to read a book that’s been on top of your reading list for a while.

Challenge the beliefs that scare you. The way to deal with your fears of dating and loving again is to confront all the negative beliefs that will pop up in your mind. When faced with those thoughts, stop and analyze them. Ask yourself are these true 100% of the time? 75% of the time? 0% of the time? Many times, these beliefs are totally false and do not make sense when we say them out loud. Use a trusted friend to help bounce off these negative thoughts. Ask yourself, are they based only on the last relationship? Is this belief serving you and what is its purpose? Often we put up negative thoughts when we are trying to protect our hearts.

Seek professional help. This is something that can be beneficial because it can help with sorting out your feelings and going through the behaviors that occurred in the relationship to work towards the journey of healing. In the processes of being vulnerable, you will get to your true core of yourself and finding honesty in yourself. You will learn to trust your own voice again.

When a relationship ends, we feel often feel sadness, loneliness, anger, and confusion. But this can also be a period of large growth and learning more about ourselves. Heartbreak goes away as all emotions do after a while and you are not defined by others who love you. You have worth and value just because you are you!

Blog written by, Courtney Whetstone is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist that works out of our Murrieta office. She helps people with heartbreak, trusting again, anxiety and depression. She is available for new clients.