The Mother Wound: A Foundation of Pain
by Alexia Harris, AMFT
Issues with our parents are often considered normal; the urge to assert our independence can sometimes clash with our parents’ duties to care for us. But what happens when our parents, specifically our moms, don’t show us that care? In many societies, mothers are often tapped for the healthy emotional development of their children. When that emotional education and connection are lacking, we can develop a mother wound.
What Is a Mother Wound?
The mother wound is a term used to describe the emotional dysfunction resulting from the absence and/or neglect of the mother figure. When there is a disconnect in the mother-child relationship, the child does not receive the deep emotional affection and attention that helps the child learn how to conduct healthy relationships as they grow, as well as develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of worth. This disconnect can be caused by a variety of things, such as the mother’s mental health struggles, addictions, or hyper-focus on work or personal hobbies (it’s entirely possible to be a working mom and maintain your identity without inflicting the mother wound!). Even when the mother takes care of the
basic needs of the child (food, clothing, shelter, stability) and has positive interactions with them, there is still the possibility of inflicting a mother wound when the emotional needs of the child are not met.
How Do I Know I Have a Mother Wound?
You may be living with a mother wound if you:
-have low self-esteem
-deliberately stifle yourself (your personality, your potential, or your enthusiasm) to please or to avoid
annoying others
-struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries in your relationships
-feel that you are not capable or worthy of warm, loving relationships
-have problems with self-soothing
-resentment towards your children
-have perfectionistic tendencies
What Do I Do About My Mother Wound?
Healing a mother wound requires introspection, honesty, compassion (for yourself and your mom!), and a big glob of forgiveness. It is crucial to your own happiness, security, and good relationships. If you believe that the mother wound may be having an effect on your life, you can explore that and start on the path to healing in therapy with me or with any of the wonderful therapists at Central Counseling Services. Call and schedule an appointment today!